In the past I have written about the relationship and after whatever i have been in.Earlier i used think that I’ve been never valued by anyone. I’m just a waste of space that everyone ignores, like a ghost without a home.There was moments when i tried to break out from the vacuum/loneliness but i couldn’t & the space demons keep calling me into the void.Sometimes i enjoyed it even felt comfortable
Journey Of Life
but till which extent i should be living this life.I often had this emotional breakdown and i hated it.I just wanted this moment to swift over…
I hated the feeling of loneliness and pointless in life.I wanted to live a meaningful life..!
You wanna know what the truth is? She is still there somewhere in the corner of my heart …and I probably will love her for a very long time…but I can’t just be her buddy because as much as I enjoy the concept of being “just friends” in reality its a bizarre form of torture and I’m just not willing to participate in it..So right now what I wanna do is just move on and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to be not around you anymore.
But now honestly i thank God for all the good and bad i went through in those times, because that helped me to get out of this whole phase.I know you only made me strong,made me so tough that from next time it’s never going hurt if somebody leaves me away.The world is kind of dumb place to be honest. I have to say 80% of the people I have met,i don’t think have any true purpose on this planet, other than making me a stronger person, because I have to deal with their bullshit.Yet, 20% of people get me through this life, and make me think that the world is not so bad, and people do truly care.
But still sometimes i felt not to be in this crowed world..Nobody questions me nobody shows pity on me..Tell me do you ever just get that feeling where..You don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile, and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time, you don’t know exactly what is wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t exactly understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting… And it seems as though they’re just asking because they feel obligated to do so. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who wont take ‘i don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the way you do just because you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait..
I’m just writing my overview of thoughts about the current status of me, not searching for anything. I’m starting to realize that ‘forever’ is just another one of those fairy tales that mothers tell their children to help them sleep at night. Nothing is forever. Life isn’t, happiness isn’t, love isn’t. Things end and people say goodbye and we have no choice in the matter. All we can do is sit and watch our lives ending one minute at a time.
I used to wish for everything then there came a moment when i stopped wishing. It’s not because I got what I wanted, but because i finally accepted that not all wishes can come true. But again my new wish to new start of life & I know it is always frightening..But at least this time I truly believe that its going to be amazing..
And in conclusion, I will leave you with this quote.
“You gotta hurt in order to know. Fall in order to grow. Lose in order to gain. Because most of life’s lessons are learned in pain.”
whatleftofme 