Forbidden Memories

You can’t get all the people together in this world whom u really like and can stay together and forever the same… I guess and I think its doesn’t work.. Someone would leave.. Someone always leave.. You left me.. And now its my turn to leave you in the grave of the memories.. Its too difficult to say good byes.. And I really hate good byes..Its been ages I haven’t written not even tried.. But these depressing moment are the dark night taking over the sunlight in the dawn.

There are things we never want to let go of.. People whom we never want to leave behind but we have too..
I know I’m searching for something. Something so undefined.. That can’t be defined.. That it can be only be seen by the eyes of the blind even in the middle of the night.. I was that much blind in my love for you..!!

Taking a walk by myself with nobody to talk to, only music to listen to, and no phone to text make me feel good.                                                        This is how i’m now.. Don’t need anyone..!!

Under One Umbrella

I Don’t Wana Run Away..!!!

I remember the times we spent together on those drives..We had a million questions all about our lives and when we got to be near each other everything felt right..I wish you were here with me tonight..Its all right i would love to watch you whole night.I remember the days we spent together were not enough and I used to feel like dreaming except we always woke up..Never thought not having you here now would hurt so much.

Somehow i managed to live my part of life because earlier i used to live life for her..Today it seems even i feel that i’m happy and but for me its really difficult to prove..I really don’t have any idea what has happened to me..Sometimes i enjoy my lonliness and sometimes it kills me.Some times i really like romantic songs but sometimes i just don’t want them near to me..I know its kind of weird..but I guess most of us goes through it..

I can stand aside from the crowd and proudly can raise my voice and can shout that Girl I really loved you and no one can do the same for you..

Few lines from my most favourite song..!!

“Hey baby, when we are together,doing things that we love.

Every time you’re near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high

I don’t want to let go, girl.

I just need you to know girl.

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,

No promises.

Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

Here tonight”

………………………………………………………..

I hear it everyday and may be because of its beautiful lines.Your words are heard throughout my changing mind and saturating every part of my senses..I hope god must be having something for me in his pot..

Leave this apart well what i really need some time to change myself.I guess this path is really not easy but I will..One day i’ll show up with something bad or good of me..The day has come when god is offers a choice of the red pill or the blue pill.The blue pill will result in forgetting the whole thing and going back to daily life,but the other offers the truth-no promises of happiness or anything else,just the truth.Here I need to judge and adopt bad or evil.However, I will not be forced to think and act as you do

So for now, I will leave you alone…..

 

The paper burns, but the words fly away

Do you ever get that feeling where-You don’t wanna talk to anybody?You don’t wanna smile and you don’t want to fake being happy.But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know for an answer. You feel the way you do just BECAUSE.You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all u can do is wait.

Escaping nights without you with shadows on the wall.My mind is running wild tryin hard not to fall.Cos I know i’ll never free my soul.It’s trapped between true love and being alone.When my eyes are closed the greatest story told..I woke and my dreams are shattered here on the floor..!!

The hurt began to fade and it was easier to just let go. At least I thought it was. But in every gal I met in the next few years, I found myself looking for you, and when the feelings got too strong I’d write you another letter. But I never sent them, in fear of what I might find. By then, you’d gone on with your life and I didn’t want to think about you loving someone else..!!

But today when I see you being with some else..I just can’t myself burning from inside.I never thought I’m ever going to see such phase of my life..I’m still fighting and I know one day I’m going to get over you.Still thought of doing some good for you..

Tried to be with you in every sense but atlast i knew you are not there with me.

You wanna know what the truth is? I still love her…and I probably will love her for a very long time…but I cant just be your buddy because as much as I enjoy the concept of being “just friends” in reality its a like keeping a dead dog for few hours and I’m just not willing to participate in it..so right now what I wanna do is just move on and get over you.

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Morning After this Night

At nights sometime i feel like an emo..I like to walk on dark roads alone thinking about life..I just know one thing its me who live it,its me who has to face,its me who has to survive.When i look at stars i want to see diamonds twinkling in the dark but what the fuck its the dead image of yours which is rooted in my mind that i see you staring at me.I blink trying not to see you suddenly everything is blurred- MYSELF, THE PATH,World even the STARS…Heart drops rolled down my cheeks and i feel numb  but then i realize as it drops down-A STONE- inside in a shore waiting to be blown away with the winds but if I’m too heavy to get washed away sediment on a bay.My tears run down like razorblades..I’m no one to blame you or is it because of me?And there’s no sense in playing games.One day it’s heaven, one day it’s hell.I know It’s not a fairy tale but please take it from me leave my life alone that the way it’s supposed to be.Each day is just like grain of sand and my life is passing without you.Could You Please leave me alone.

I dun know why the fuck people hurt each other..I think you did it intentionally..I know your memories is rotten inside me..When i try to get away from the shore of sorrow and sadness i don’t know why the fuck those tides of darkness touches my feet and left me feeling that I’m living in hell..I fucking tired of doing this every time being nice and loving you..No i can’t do it any more..It hurts it hurts a lot..I know the pain of being lonely even i started loving it.. but why the fuck you have to come and fucking cut me into pieces every time.. You really don’t have an idea once a heart is broken into pieces its hurt but when again those broken pieces are brutally rutted down into pieces it hurts a lot..

i have tried for moving on and decided that i don’t want any like you..Because i always wanted you..But leave it..Its me who has to understand..May be tomorrow will bring a new ray of light with happiness..

Darkness was never my friend but if today I’m living in it then please darkness be my pillow & take my hand,let me sleep in the coolness of your shadow & the silence of your deep..I know the idea of being with yourself can be scary because it is the doorstep of loneliness..But sometimes you just love it.

I hope to lose myself for good..I hope to find it in the end..Not in me but in you..

Live and Learn

In the past I have written about the relationship and after whatever i have been in.Earlier i used think  that I’ve been never valued by anyone. I’m just a waste of space that everyone ignores, like a ghost without a home.There was moments when i tried to break out from the vacuum/loneliness but i couldn’t & the space demons keep calling me into the void.Sometimes i enjoyed it even felt comfortable

Journey Of Life

but till which extent i should be living this life.I often had this emotional breakdown and i hated it.I just wanted this moment to swift over…
I  hated the feeling of loneliness and pointless in life.I wanted to live a meaningful life..!

You wanna know what the truth is? She is still there somewhere in the corner of my heart …and I probably will love her for a very long time…but I can’t just be her buddy because as much as I enjoy the concept of being “just friends” in reality its a bizarre form of torture and I’m just not willing to participate in it..So right now what I wanna do is just move on and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to be not around you anymore.

But now honestly i thank God for all the good and bad i went through in those times, because that helped me to get out of this whole phase.I know you only made me strong,made me so tough that from next time it’s never going hurt if somebody leaves me away.The world is kind of dumb place to be honest. I have to say 80% of the people I have met,i don’t think have any true purpose on this planet, other than making me a stronger person, because I have to deal with their bullshit.Yet, 20% of people get me through this life, and make me think that the world is not so bad, and people do truly care.

But still sometimes i felt not to be in this crowed world..Nobody questions me nobody shows pity on me..Tell me do you ever just get that feeling where..You don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile, and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time, you don’t know exactly what is wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t exactly understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting… And it seems as though they’re just asking because they feel obligated to do so. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who wont take ‘i don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the way you do just because you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait..

I’m just writing my overview of thoughts about the current status of me, not searching for anything. I’m starting to realize that ‘forever’ is just another one of those fairy tales that mothers tell their children to help them sleep at night. Nothing is forever. Life isn’t, happiness isn’t, love isn’t. Things end and people say goodbye and we have no choice in the matter. All we can do is sit and watch our lives ending one minute at a time.

I used to wish for everything then there came a moment when i stopped wishing. It’s not because I got what I wanted, but  because i finally accepted that not all wishes can come true. But again my new wish to new start of life & I know it is always frightening..But at least this time I truly believe that its going to be amazing..

And in conclusion, I will leave you with this quote.

“You gotta hurt in order to know. Fall in order to grow. Lose in order to gain. Because most of life’s lessons are learned in pain.”

My Past is Just History

Every single day i try to get over from my pain. But i never succeeded in it or may be i never wanted… I’m lil confuse while writing this blog…I don’t know where my words going to take this story of this blog…May be my blog brings together both words and melody to show that not only is this true, but also that sometimes, a few simple notes and phrases are the only way one can sincerely express your feelings.

So many things you never know are done for love. When i look back on those days  I realize how innocent & satisfied life was back then…So much of fun n frolic…Walking down memory’s lane, a lot of fame with ups and downs made ma life so vast and my friends say it’s a beautiful story-But my past is just histroy . And going down the memory lane surely brings a tear to my eyes…How I wish I could just go back time n stop it right there and never let that happen. I now fear nothing but from life itself and i have learned that living is just a slow way to die. The fear I feel night after night has developed into a disease. No one can see the emptiness in my eyes.

I search and wait for you because you are my happiness. Just to think of you, talk about you, dream of you makes tears stream down my face. I cannot imagine happiness without your beautiful smile, your angelic face and your good heart. I can’t forget her eyes glittering like pearls so grand, her beautiful smile is so alluring..Her very beautiful hands are so smooth like finest marble and purest silk.Take me in your arms and hold me close..And yes, my heart will beat just for you…But you are long gone, in love with someone else. It has been a year no matter what i do i can’t forget you…I hide ma tears with a smile…I hide my pain with a laugh. Every time i hear your name my heart starts beating fast. When i sit alone in my room I remember you with a tear. I never thought you would be someone i did have to miss…I was never right, I thought I belonged to your life, but I guess I did not hit the mark… now look, I’m in the dirt wondering why it hurts so bad..My once happy life has turned into clay and my happie world is taken away. I lie down always think of you and today when i sit here writing a blog wonders if only i could relive everything i wanted to…everything that hurt me…if it was never so…if i was never alone…but i always forgot so quickly the lesson that has been taught by life that there are many of things i pushed for but most where not for me at all..I feel lost because you’re gone i still have the feelings for you…

I still believe that love was true but i know you are happier now then you would have been…I am glad i let you go even though it was so damn hard to do…I am trusting that i made the right decision..I know that even through the hard times..You are happier then you have been. I love you in spite of all the hard feelings that we both had…Of all the heart aches for the happy and for the sad…The reason it hurts so much to separate and to live without you is because our souls were connected. I want you to be happy the best way you can… I want you to be free from anything that holds you back…

All I ever wish is for you to be happy and i know my role is not as that person in your life. Now I must move forward..I want it to be real, but inside me truth creeps. In the pages of my past, lines once written even bleed today..I have walked alone for so long i have learned some things about life, hard lessons even beautiful ones. I am tired of surviving. I walk a mile want it to be that far away that i could not turn back.

I hope you never have or know this feeling i have inside me now or how this hurts. No matter what love is never wasted just the heart aching to be held, to be safe.

Live, laugh, love because tomorrow is promised to no one.

I’ll think of a reason later

Walking Away

I have been thinking of writing from along time..A very nice frnd of mine inspired me for this…

After all hussy fussy things happened in ma life and as everybody has that point in their life where they hit a crossroads and wen they had a bunch of bad days and there’s different ways they can deal with it and the way I dealt with it was I just turned completely loving maself.. till this time i never thought i’m gonna face such phases and the lesson i’ve learned the most often in life is that you’re always going to know more in the future than you know now..Well real life is a funny thing you know.. Everyday i wake up and smell the break up and again an unplanned day always i tried to fix up even tried to cover up ma heart with make up forcing smile faking happiness.My thoughts always echoed her name.Most the of the nights wen i’m in this dream it’s like a million little stars
spelling out ur name..You were always be in ma prayers.I used to watch you live in pictures but i feel you’ll forget me like i never used to breathe 

but i’ll keep up with ur friends just to ask them how you are

.Hope it’s nice where u are
.I did all ma deeds..

I think its in ur moments of decision tat ur destiny  is shaped.. Well after anything we decide any act we change or control our lyf. The rewards is in our hands..I gave chance to ma love but cudn’t succeeded.But after taking a lot of time i decided to move on and to get thru this.But i’m sick n tired of doing this again n again..I’m thru with wit it…Looking forward to ma career..

A very last note for her..Thanks i’ll always cherish the moment i shared with u..But i’m doing fyn and fair with out u..God bless u where ever u are..